


At least I'm breathing

by Kanra_chan



Category: Scrubs
Genre: Other, Pain, Sadness, hurt!JD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 03:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4084123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His friends are always listening to JD's problems, but just talking about them isn't helping him much. Night's like these are the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At least I'm breathing

It hurt, his heart. He hurt deep inside and his chest actually, physically ached. It seemed to wrap over the center of his chest and pull in every direction. Nothing seemed fair. Heavy tears welled up in his blue eyes, making him feel somehow worse with the warm liquid emotion. This was never what he expected, not what he thought his job would become. 

Sure, JD knew that being a doctor wouldn't always be saving lives and curing good people. He knew, really he did, but no one can really prepare you for the emotional damage...even if they tried their best. They had been thoroughly warned in med school, right from the start as if it could help. JD didn't become a doctor because he thought everything would be good. He became one because he wanted to prove he could do something that took so much strength,and because he was truly interested in medicine. 

He wasn't always waist deep in emotional pain... Actually it snuck up on him. When he wasn't exhausted enough to pass out as soon as he hit a soft surface, often his thoughts were...deeply sorrowful. He didn't blame himself for death and pain, he wouldn't last ten minutes if he did. He didn't get angry at some possible god he didn't know really existed either. Just sorrowful. He didn't see lots of tragedy, as he tended to avoid those moments and emotionally distance himself from patients and their family much as he could. But sometimes he couldn't help but see the pain, watching as a little of it became his own pain to carry for as long as he lived.

And that pain builds up. So, on nights like these he sometimes finds himself hugging Rowdy tight and letting tears fall. He doesn't sob, his pride won't allow that, but he just holds tight to his most loved possession. Funny how a dead dog could mean so much, especially when he's alone. Turk and Carla are on call tonight, and that's good. They get this way too, sometimes, in their private time. He's heard Carla cry for herself twice. Sometimes sees Turk, as he heads to work, grinning at JD in a way that doesn't reach his eyes. 

So JD will cry, and when he's done he'll dry his eyes and use the bathroom and go to bed. Maybe he won't dream tonight. At least he was breathing. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I feel like this a lot. I'm not a doctor, but pain is easy to understand when you have enough of it. Hope you dudes liked it.


End file.
